The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Unexplainable Lights Baffle Local Residents

Several local residents have informed us here at that an unusual and unexplainable pattern of lights have repeatedly occurred near the Jefferson municipal airport. Locals are of the opinion that some type of alien activity seems to be taking place, and the local news media refuses to acknowledge it.

Some sort of pattern of lighting seems to appear virtually every night after dusk, and all calls to the airport apparently go unanswered.

Residents in the immediate area are quite alarmed, and are preparing for yet another incidence of alien abductions and probing. All of their concerns are being brushed aside by civic leaders, who seem to be more concerned with public opinion than public safety.

We have managed to capture photographs of these unusual lights, and are not afraid to publish them here. It is obvious that they are of an extraterrestrial nature, and further inquiries are warranted (see photo at left).

Civic leaders who choose to remain nameless recently captured these pictures, and in a rapid attempt to escape, also photographed mysterious lights which seemed to follow them back into town. These lights stayed with them until they turned a corner at Chestnut Street, at which point they continued straight on (photo below).

Berizzagg Blizmarraak, city spokesman, reported that in his opinion he felt people were not being rational and that he would let them know if indeed there was a problem. "These unusual lights, although very peculiar, are absolutely no cause for alarm. Our tests show that these are all created by carbon-based units. Carbon-based units pose no threat to the surrounding community. We would request that all concerned citizens report to our local establishment and purchase new, galvanized rain gutters." currently has twelve reporters on location at the airport with Polaroid cameras, just in case these inexplicable lights recur. In the mean time, residents in the area are being asked to calm down and have been given the number for the national guard, should force be necessary.

Rick Bland, 03-04-2008