The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Basketball Legend Steve Alford to Coach Rams

Jefferson Iowa News has learned that the New Mexico Lobo's current coach Steve Alford is negotiating with JSPC in an effort to become the squad's basketball coach beginning with the 2009-10 season. Prior to taking the New Mexico position, Mr. Alford coached the University of Iowa men's basketball team, compiling a dismal record over a nine-year period.

It was rumored that Mr. Alford reached out to a team from a lesser conference when he left Iowa, avoiding an ugly contract termination sought by disgruntled fans and alumni. This would appear to be the same scenario, repeated as New Mexico heads into conference play with an unexpectedly poor 6-4 record, including losses to Creighton, Central Florida, and Drake (a team he had trouble beating at Iowa).

Steve Alford played college ball for Indiana legend Bobby Knight, leading them to a national championship, and followed that with a successful stint in the NBA prior to taking up coaching. Wherever he has coached, he has followed a predictable pattern of recruiting slow, short, white players who are very good at shooting free throws and specialize in long, unopposed set shots.

Jefferson administrators feel that this would be a perfect match for the talent available in the Jefferson area. In fact, this describes nearly every recruit which would be available to Alford at Jefferson. This would dovetail nicely with his obvious distaste for recruiting in general, which he has historically left in the hands of his assistant coaches.

Furthermore, at Jefferson, a 6-4 non-conference record would be heralded as a tremendous accomplishment. Landing a position as head coach of JSPC would fulfill Alford's long sought-after goal of finding a coaching position where his won-loss record would probably not even matter.

Negotiations are currently stalled as Alford wants several of his family members, and his maid to be given contracts as his assistants by the local school board. We have been informed, however, that this hurdle will almost assuredly be cleared.

Even if the Rams' win-loss record does not improve under Alford, fans will be treated to his near-perfect hair, and his ability to deflect all criticism of his team's lack of effort to his players. Mr. Alford has been the victim of poor players throughout his tenure at college-level programs.

In addition, coaching the varsity at JSPC would have the added benefit of enabling Alford to regress to the junior high level should his performance not measure up to the varsity's already established mediocre standards.

 Spencer Straight, 12-15-2008