The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Spring 2009 Jefferson Beautification Committee Holds First Meeting

By Tar Tarkus –

I was fortunate enough to be invited to join in the most recent meeting of a group of local civic leaders while they discussed the annual Jefferson Beautification Drive. Each spring this project is implemented, in an effort to make Jefferson more attractive. Attending the meeting were: Bob Fitzgerald, Laura Willburn, Jeff Hammerand, and Ken Schreck.

Bob - "OK, if I could get everyone's attention. I think everyone has their food and drinks, so we can proceed with the meeting. If Laura could get things started now, I think we can have us a fairly quick meeting, and we can all get out and enjoy the evening."
Laura - "Thank you, Bob. Yes, this should be a short meeting, but maybe one of our most important meetings. First things first. We are the beautification committee and it will soon be springtime. So, of course, for us it's time for action. We will be supporting the normal spring clean-up efforts such as the large item garbage pick-up in April. But I have a new idea that I would like to run by everyone and hopefully ... get everyone's support."
Ken - "Can we discuss the Christmas lights winners? I'm still pissed about that. I mean, seriously, a lot of the houses in the top five this year didn't even have a nativity scene."
Bob - "Ken - OK ... we had this discussion before. We are NOT the Christmas Lights Committee. We had nothing to do with who won and who didn't win."
Ken - "Why the hell not? Just how many committees are there? Besides, what do you care, right? You got second place for your crap inflatable snowman in a blizzard stuck in your front yard!"
Bob - "I did a lot more than just the inflatable snowman. I did all the bushes and put all the reindeer and a sled on the roof. And I spent over $350 on lights alone."
Ken - "Well I spent just as much on my 'I Love Baby Jesus' lights on my roof."
Bob - "You didn't spend $50 on those lights. Hell, it's easy enough to find out - the lights are still there on your roof. Let's just go over there and look at the price tag."
Ken - "You leave my 'I Love Baby Jesus' alone, you snowman freak!"
Laura - "Ken, for Christ's sakes!"
Jeff - "I didn't mind his 'I Love Baby Jesus' lights. My wife almost got an 'I Love Baby Jesus' tattoo a few years back."
Ken - "Where was she going to get the tattoo?"
Laura - "Ken!"
Jeff - "At the shop over in Ames."
Ken - "What? No, I mean where?"
Laura - "Ken, for the last time ..."
Jeff - "Oh ... Ted's Tattoos."
Ken - "I would have guessed the ass. I mean, there's plenty of available space, right?"
Jeff - "Christ, yes. I think she could tattoo baby Jesus, the virgin Mary, Joseph, the three wise men, some sheep and goats, an angel or two, and still have room for the last supper on the other side."
Bob - "Enough about Jeff's wife's tattoos!"
Jeff - "I said she was thinking about getting the tattoo. She ended up not getting it."
Bob - "Fine ... Sorry. But enough about tattoos, baby Jesus lights and the last supper."
Ken - "So, did we decide about the Christmas lights winners?"
Bob - "Yes, you didn't win."
Laura - "Dear God, can we get back to my agenda?"
Jeff - "Well, speaking of tattoos..."
Laura - "Jeff! I thought we all agreed never to bring up my tattoo ever again."
Jeff - "Sorry."
Ken - "Yeah - Jeff's sorry, Cap'n Kirk."
Laura - "It's Luke Skywalker! Enough about my tattoo, for crying out loud! Can we please all forget about that meeting?"
Jeff - "At least it wasn't Chewbacca."
Ken - "That thought had occurred to me."
Laura - "Please! Christ almighty! Can we talk about flowers?"
Bob - "What about flowers, Laura?"
Laura - "Well, since you asked, I have come up with a plan regarding making Jefferson even more beautiful this spring. It's called 'Adopt A Flower For Your Street'. Each street would come up with its own choice of flower, then all residents wanting to participate could plant that flower out near the curb in front of their house. For instance, if the Lincolnway residents chose the star gazer lily, then they would all plant star gazers next to the curb all along Lincolnway. What does everyone think?"
Bob - "I think it's a great idea. I know that now is the time you can buy flowers cheaply."
Ken - "Well, I'm afraid I will have to disagree with Hans Solo."
Laura - "Luke Skyw - call me Laura!"
Ken - "Okay, Okay. I live on 235th street."
Laura - "That's out in the country, so I don't think any of this would apply to you."
Ken - "Sweet Jesus, I'm all for it, then."
Jeff - "I live in Rippey, so I'm with Ken on this one."
Bob - "Well, I'm for it too, so it looks like it passes."
Ken - "Nanoo, nanoo, Laura" <wink>
Laura - "That doesn't even make sense, you moron."
Bob - "Thank you everyone for coming - this meeting is adjourned."

Tars Tarkus