The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Bigfoot Escapes From Captivity in Georgia Freezer!

Last week, CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times suddenly jumped on board the Bigfoot bandwagon with an article claiming that two professional Bigfoot hunters discovered the legendary creature and stashed his body in a freezer. They state that they found Bigfoot dead, and stored the carcass awaiting DNA testing results. is no novice when it comes to Bigfoot reporting. We have covered his whereabouts and activities since the inception of this web site. In fact, we are the only news source trusted by Bigfoot, and are thus able to shed light on this latest outrage.

It seems that he was not captured dead, but was instead kidnapped and placed in a freezer. His captors apparently either assumed he would die, or had other plans for him. Unfortunately for them, Bigfoot has managed to escape, and make his way back to Jefferson. We were there to talk to him about his harrowing capture, and escape.

JIN - Did you think you might not ever make it back to Jefferson?
Bigfoot - Well, I thought about it in between Perry and Rippey, but I wasn't driving, so here I am.

JIN - According to reports, you were kept in a freezer for a week. What was that like?
Bigfoot - It was cold. I mean really cold. That's what I remember ... cold. God, it was cold. I mean, for the first day or two it was cold ... and after that it was ... cold. Damn cold.

JIN - Please, could you refrain from using the crude language?
Bigfoot - Sorry about that. I meant darn cold. Really cold. Cold. Wheeew, I tell you what, it was cold.

JIN - What can you tell us about your abduction?
Bigfoot - You mean before it got cold?

JIN - Yeah ... before that.
Bigfoot - Well, it was Saturday afternoon and I was just walking downtown when these two Mexican guys wave me over to their car ... a real piece of crap Toyota. They tell me they have some genuine Hollister t-shirts for $2 each. Next thing I know I'm in a freezer in Georgia ... and let me tell you ... they call them freezers for a good reason!

JIN - Pretty cold?
Bigfoot - Oh yeah, it was cold. Man was it cold. Seriously cold. That's what I remember. Cold.

JIN - When you finally escaped, what were you thinking?
Bigfoot - I was thinking ... Man, I am so cold. Cold, like you don't know cold. That's pretty much what I was thinking ... that I was cold.

JIN - Well, thank you for your time and welcome back.
Bigfoot - Sure, whatever.

Rick Bland, contributor since 2007

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