The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Economy Forces Bigfoot Into Unemployment Line

Finally we have proof of just how bad the economy has gotten. Long-time Jefferson area resident Bigfoot was seen last Thursday collecting his weekly unemployment check. After many phone calls, Bigfoot graciously organized a news conference during which he addressed the topic of his lack of employment. He asked that we stress the fact that he is currently looking for a job, and hopes to earn a respectable living again.

Bigfoot has been unable to find work for over three months now. "It's not like I moved here for the hot babes," he stated. "I'm here to work and raise a family. I am not looking for free health care or a free ride." Bigfoot has worked at several occupations in the past, and only recently has he fallen upon hard times.

"I was a superstar back in the good old days," he claimed. "There were movie roles, celebrity appearances, and product endorsements. I was a spokesman for Maybelline and Ultra-Bright toothpaste. Kids were getting knock-off Bigfoot dolls for Christmas. Everywhere you turned, Bigfoot likenesses abounded. I was on the cover of Field and Stream - Field and Stream!"  Bigfoot's acting roles and appearance fees dried up in the 80's. Overall interest in Bigfoot has continued to wane.

But Bigfoot's attitude and ambition remain solid. He has applied for jobs locally, most recently at Mary Ann's Dress Shop and the Tea Room. All have turned him down. Nonplussed, he began searching for employment outside of Jefferson. He was seen this summer looking for work at the Carroll McDonald's, and was photographed speaking with a spokesperson for that corporation (photo at left). This also was an apparent dead end. Because of his GED and unique resume, Bigfoot still feels that he would be an asset to any company that chose to hire him.

Jefferson Iowa News will follow up this story with any changes in Bigfoot's status we notice. If you know of a suitable job, please contact our editors or Bigfoot directly.

 Rick Bland, 11-14-2009