The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Blizmarraak Suddenly Disappears

It has been reported that local Jefferson resident and civic leader Berizzag Blizmarraak has recently disappeared without a trace and concerned citizens as well as devoted customers are concerned about his safety.

After several recent orders for rain gutters went unfulfilled, local police entered and searched his property in an effort to discover his whereabouts. Jeffersoniowanews was on hand when the search took place, and can safely report that no trace of Blizmarraak has been found.

As a close look at his residence shows, Mr. Blizmarrak apparently had over two dozen long-range satellite dishes in his yard, all apparently pointing toward Saturn and the intervening asteroid belt. A bank of computers located within his residence seems to imply that he was closely following several large asteroids rapidly approaching this planet. A large repellant gamma ray device was in place, although not completely functional.

Local authorities state that  Blizmarraak had not been himself lately, and had been behaving in a somewhat preoccupied condition.

The last time he was quoted on record, he was making wild claims about upcoming weather patterns and possible abnormalities in Earth's atmosphere. His work seems to have also suffered, and recently at least one local resident lodged a complaint with the Better Business Bureau concerning his work.

Jefferson resident Monte Larson phoned the Bureau last week, upset with what he considered below-par work done on his roof (photo at left).

A close examination of Berizzag's home revealed that he apparently left with the water running, the TV on, and a half-eaten meal on the table. Absolutely nobody is taking this seriously, as Mr. Blizmarraak has always been known to exhibit eccentric behavior. A large contrail was seen exiting his
residence Thursday.

Rick Bland 01-29-08