Jefferson
Iowa News is happy to report that yet another myth has been shattered.
After months of research and surveys, our staff states that they can
claim, beyond a reasonable doubt, that all blondes are not sluts. This
myth has been perpetuated over the years, from Marilyn Monroe to Paris
Hilton. After reviewing the data, we are in a position to state this to
be fact. Among other findings, our updated data shows:1. Less than 85% of blondes are sluts
2. Many blondes thought to be sluts should be reclassified as bimbos, tramps, wenches, floozies, tarts, or hussies
3. Perhaps most interesting, we found that many blondes weren't even blondes at all!
That's right - most blondes are actually brunettes! Furthermore, we found that true blondes were shown to have IQs nearly 80% as high as brunettes!
Although it is possible that many blondes were unable to correctly complete our surveys, we found that on the surveys returned, blondes made errors only 2.7 times as often as brunettes, which was within our overall margin for error. Care should be taken before you prejudge a person based simply on their hair color.
It should be mentioned that several of our readers have challenged the statistical samplings we used. In order to clarify this we decided to ask our assistant editor Eugene Baxter. Eugene is known casually around the office as "the brain", due to the fact that he has the most education (one year at DMACC). Eugene looked over our data and declared, "I can't find nothing wrong with this story. Mom might not like it, though - she's blonde." We hope that this will serve to validate our findings.
Spencer Straight, 01-31-2011