The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Local Incident of Spontaneous Combustion Reported

Local resident Marvin Zepp has been missing for three days now. When he failed to report for work last Friday, family members became concerned and reported his absence to the police. An exhaustive investigation was launched, and authorities believe they have found their answer.

Anonymous sources within the local police department have determined that Mr. Zepp was the victim of a rare case of spontaneous combustion. When this happens, a victim is literally consumed by fire from an unknown and unexplainable origin, normally leaving the surrounding area completely intact and unaffected by the flames.

There was absolutely no trace of Mr. Zepp in his apartment. No forensic evidence was found on the scene that would explain his disappearance with the exception of a large amount of ashes found nearby his bed (see photo at left).

It is assumed that the ashes found were the remnants of his body, and even though no other signs of a fire existed, this is perfectly normal in cases of spontaneous combustion. Police have called off their investigation, and seem to be satisfied with this scenario.

In an unusual turn of events, this case grew even more bizarre when it was discovered that  Marvin's secretary may also be a victim of spontaneous combustion. She seems to have disappeared at approximately the same time, and a search of her home shows no trace of her with the exception of an open suitcase on her bed. (photo).

Cases of multiple spontaneous combustion in different locations at the same time are very rare indeed, although local police are keeping an open mind.

Submitted by Spencer Straight (03-11-08)