The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Activists Release 71,000 Cows Into Wild

Members of the radical Animal Liberation Front swept through Greene County Monday, freeing an estimated 71,000 cows from their human captors. "These cows are finally free to run through the wilderness," said ski-masked ALF member "Brent". "No creature should have to live in servitude." Within hours of the cows' release, the local sheriff's department began receiving reports of bovine fatalities. "We've been getting calls all night long," one Greene County deputy said. "So far, 43 cows have been hit by cars, 11 have fallen off bridges and drowned, and three have been electrocuted from chewing on power lines."

One group of 450 liberated jerseys was spotted just north of Jefferson standing around chewing on grass. Many of the liberated cows were transported in midnight raids to areas several miles from their farms, as it was discovered in previous raids that released cows all had a tendency to merely wander back into their pens the next day.

"Brent" went on to say, "It was the greatest thrill of my life to be able to free these cows from their bondage. I couldn't help but notice the lazy, sluggish look in their eyes as I broke the padlock and freed them from their pen." Animal activists are hailing the raid as a major victory for cows' rights. Brent added, "Cows do not belong in pens. They need to be able to run in the wilderness with the wolves and the bears."

You may remember the Animal Liberation Front from their previous noteworthy raid where they released three million chickens into Yosemite National Park. 

Rick Bland, 04-18-2010