As
you may recall, the Jefferson city council met early this year and
unveiled a new initiative they called "Think Outside the Box in 2011".
Each council member was responsible for coming up with a new and
innovative idea which would promote the local economy while emphasizing
Jefferson's unique industries. Well, last Wednesday it unfortunately was
Bob "Steel Plate" Swanson's turn. Bob has developed a new advertising
campaign designed to reach aliens based on the belief that alien
spacecraft can run on E85.Since the early 70's (when Bob had a steel plate implanted in his head following an unfortunate accident with a hay bailer), old Steel Plate claims to have been communicating with life from "beyond the galaxy". Bob's fifth wife, Betty, defended Bob by pointing out that no one has yet disproven Bob's latest claim that Noah's Ark can be found underneath Allensworth Field.
Steel Plate claims that his ad campaign relies largely on word-of-mouth. He states that if the aliens already among us simply pass the word along, the E85 market will boom. "E85 is cutting edge technology, and a much more modern fuel than gas," adds Steel Plate. "Those aliens are not still using gas anymore, I'm almost positive."
He proposes to erect billboards along US Highway 30, and possibly run ads in Astronomy magazine, which he feels aliens probably read to keep up with things back home. "You may not believe in it now," says Swanson, "but when all those space ships start landing it'll make RAGBRAI look like a bunch of hicks on bikes."
Deb Hoover, city desk