Local
residents have reported several sightings of what they describe as
"Frankenstein" in Jefferson this year. This is a recurrence that has
happened almost annually in town, considered by many to be nothing more
than "urban legend". One senior member on our staff, however, does
happen to recall some of the details pertaining to the origination of
this occurrence. He says that "Frankenstein" is not his correct name at
all, and that the monster is merely long-time Jefferson resident Rolfe
Blast. As our editor recalls, Mr. Blast was created in the basement of local resident Mark Sorenson while attending junior high. He thought Rolfe, or as Mark refers to him "monster #5", would be the edge the eighth grade football team needed. As it turned out, it was determined that over 35% of his body parts had successfully completed the eighth grade, so he was deemed ineligible. The decision was overturned five years later, but this was too late to help. Mark later stated that he thought closer to 70% was a closer estimate.
He appealed the case for years, only winning it finally after Rolfe had completed high school. We travelled to Jefferson last week for a word or two with Mr. Sorenson about his eighth grade project, and he seemed somewhat surprised that his creation was still alive.
Jefferson Iowa News - "So, you took parts of more than one body to create monster #5?"
Mark - "More than one? What are you, a #*%$& idiot? It took probably fifteen or sixteen bodies to put that abomination of nature (monster #5) together. In fact, seems to me, that I used a few of your mother's parts on it. That's right. I'm sure of it! Hold on ... you know, if you want to see your mother again, I think I can find her left foot and maybe part of her cheek bone around here. It's no problem. It will only take a few minutes to find them. I know I was just looking at her only a few months ago."
Jefferson Iowa News - " .... My mother?!?"
Mark - "Sure. Remember how she died in the summer of '70? Car wreck, right? Yeah, I remember, car wreck ... most of her was torn up way too badly for me to use. Hey, I just thought of something. If monster #5 really is alive, like you say, then you could say monster #5 has your mother's eyes. Literally. (loud laughter)"
Jefferson Iowa News - "Did you build a monster #6?"
Mark - That is none of your %&#$ business. Who the &$@*% are you guys anyway? #$&% get off my #$&%%@ lawn before I blow your $&*@# heads off! (BLAM)(BLAM)
Spencer Straight, 10-26-2009