The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Our Science Editor Discusses Alien Life Forms

We recently met with our science editor, Vince Hawking (an actual cousin of Stephen Hawking), and took the opportunity to hear his views on alien life forms. Do scientists think that intelligent life exists outside the boundaries of earth? Questions like this perplex mankind and the answers seem difficult to ascertain. Perhaps, we thought, Mr. Hawking might shed some light on the subject. We found him in his office at the Creation Evidence Museum.

Rick -  Mr. Hawking, we hope to take up a bit of your time today discussing the possibility of alien life.
Hawking - Rick, you should read the Bible - Ezekiel, to be exact. Ezekiel encountered spaceships many years ago, before recorded history.

Rick - If it was before recorded history, how could it get in the Bible?
Hawking - Exactly.

Rick - Do you think space aliens will ever visit the earth?
Hawking - What? What do you mean will they ever ... they're here right now!

Rick - Here now? Do you actually have knowledge of alien contact here on earth?
Hawking - Of course. Don't you ever wonder why when a flu bug goes around, some people aren't affected? Do I need to give you names?

Rick - Incredible. Absolutely incredible.
Hawking - What is incredible is that we haven't been destroyed yet.

Rick - Why haven't we been destroyed?
Hawking - Space aliens are lazy. They're actually pretty worthless when it comes to getting a job done.

Rick - Do you think there will be a day in the distant future when aliens will destroy the earth?
Hawking - Well, yes and no. There will be a day, but not in the distant future. In fact, we here at the science center thought for sure it was happening back last November. Whew, it's a good thing they're not good at details. Their mega-doomsday bomb should have worked as designed. But as you can see, the sun is still up there in the sky, so something went wrong.

Rick - The sun! They were trying to destroy the sun?
Hawking - Well, I guess so ... Technically they were trying to start a chain reaction that would collapse the solar system, but destroy the sun is probably also correct. Still, most of us around here think of it more as a solar system thing.

Rick - Is there any chance this could happen again?
Hawking - Well, I'm not one to want to cause panic, but it looks like those idiots (space aliens) are going to give it a try probably later this month. May 20th I think was my guess.

Rick - Try again! Will the whole solar system be destroyed in just a few short days then?
Hawking - Sure, maybe. We're getting ready to order pizza. Do you want any?

Rick - How can you even eat?
Hawking - Look there is only a one out of three chance they will hit the sun. Not to worry.

Rick Bland, contributor since 2007

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Agree/Disagree? Agree - Finally a voice of reason!
Disagree - I'm an atheist.
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