The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Scientific Explanation Sought for Local Warming Trend

We recently sat down with our science editor, Vince Hawking (an actual cousin of Stephen Hawking), to discuss what has turned into an extremely warm weather pattern for central Iowa and the world at large.

Global warming has recently become an issue which, although not supported by scientific data, appears to be widely accepted as fact. With the luxury of a full-time science editor on our staff, probed the mind of Mr. Hawking, hoping to separate fact from guess.  Unlike many local news sources and fly-by-night web sites, we have invested a great deal of time and resources into maintaining a staff we can turn to for definitive answers.

JIN - Central Iowa seems to be overwhelmed by a pattern of extremely warm weather recently. Do you have an explanation for this?
VH -
Warm weather has occurred repeatedly over the ages in a pattern that can best be described as random.
For example, it may be hot for a few years, and then it might get cold.

JIN - Some experts predict that this warming trend will last for quite a while. How do you see it?
VH -
I don't think so. I think it will be quite brief. Maybe only two to three hundred years.

JIN - To what do you attribute this warmer-than-normal weather?
VH -
Most of the studies I have authorized have pinpointed the cause of this warm weather to higher than normal temperatures.

JIN - So you feel that higher temperatures are to blame?
VH -
Historically, when ever the earth has entered warmer periods, higher temperatures have coincided hand-in-hand. The trend is truly remarkable. Almost never do you encounter lower temperatures associated with warming trends. Polar bears have recently been spotted in the Midwest. This could mean that they know things we don't, or maybe they are simply lost.

JIN - Is there anything we can do to alter these trends?
VH -
During my brief tenure at MIT, we conducted a four-year experiment in which we attempted to create a warming trend under test conditions while lowering the actual temperature. What we found was that most university professors were quite closed-minded and refused to accept our premise. They had a preconceived notion that temperatures would have to rise in a direct relationship to atmospheric conditions. After four years, we were forced to continue our experiments outside the university environment.

JIN - Were your results conclusive?
VH -
Yes. Absolutely. We concluded that weather patterns cannot be altered by known human activities. For example, you can't create a milder winter by raising your thermostat.

JIN - Any suggestions?
VH -
Our current weather trends are going to change. Do whatever you like. Burn fossil fuels, discharge carbon into the atmosphere, whatever. The weather will keep you guessing. I can't even tell you if it will rain tomorrow.

Rick Bland, contributor since 2007

Leave a comment:
Agree/Disagree? Agree - Finally a voice of reason!
Disagree - I'm an atheist.
Email Address: