We
recently sat down with our science editor, Vince Hawking (an actual
cousin of Stephen Hawking), and discussed the theory of intelligent
design, and its opposing "evolutionary" viewpoint. It was quite an
interesting conversation, and we felt that our readers would like to
hear Mr. Hawking's insights. Amazingly. Vince looks a great deal like
his better-known cousin Stephen. He informs us that his entire family
looks alike, even the women.R. Bland - How do you feel about the theory of evolution?
V. Hawking - That theory simply does not hold up to close scrutiny. Although there are many nutcases who seem to think that we evolved from fish or apes or whatever, one can simply look around and see that this is not happening. Nobody sees anything evolving into anything else today, do they? The mice where I grew up look an awful lot like the mice you see today.
R. Bland - How do you explain the emergence of so many diverse life forms that inhabit our world?
V. Hawking - First of all, I'd like to point out that intelligent design has been around a lot longer than any of Darwin's so-called "theories". Many centuries longer. Our ancestors gave a great deal of thought to these topics and did not take them lightly. Nutcases today would have you believe that we evolved somehow from dogs or chickens or Mexicans. This is nonsense. I have personally not witnessed one case of an organism spontaneously turning into something else. I would guess that neither have you.
R. Bland - But what about all of these different species? Where did they come from?
V. Hawking - One need look no further than the old testament. You will find many truths there. You will find that Noah, shortly before his 900th birthday, constructed a boat of wood and filled it with all species that you find today. After surviving the flood, these species continued to thrive.
R.
Bland - How was that possible?V. Hawking - You and I both know how much water would be on the ground if it rained for over a month. Noah saw this coming, and made sure that each species was aboard.
R. Bland - We now know that there are over 30,000 different rodents, and 100,000 different spiders, to name just two examples of diversity. How did Noah accomplish this feat?
V. Hawking - It is obvious that you have not fully researched this topic. The bible clearly states that Noah built his ark "two or three football fields in length", which, it should be pointed out was written by people who were obviously referring to soccer fields (much longer than an American football field). This was truly a great boat. To put it in terms your readers can relate to, it was really big. It would be like having a boat stretch from Hasting's all the way to the Dairy Queen.
R. Bland - So you feel that all things remain the same, and nothing improves over time or "evolves"?
V. Hawking - Look, if you find a pocket watch in a cornfield, you don't try to figure out how it came from corn. Obviously it was put there by somebody a lot smarter than me, and I am a science editor.
Rick Bland, contributor since 2007
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