The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Introducing Monte Larson, Local Vampire Slayer

Once again it is October, autumn is in the air, and the thoughts of local residents turn to the annual vampire problem. Community leaders again are playing down the seriousness of the problem, pointing out that actually very few known cases of vampire attacks occur each week. Last year it did not even reach double digits.

Fortunately for Jefferson, they can boast their very own version of Doctor Van Helsing in Monte Larson, resident vampire slayer (although we feel he is really a lot closer to Dog, the Bounty Hunter). Most of the year Monte can be found laying concrete or relaxing at Wet Goods, but when duty calls in the fall, he will once again grab his double-barrel shotgun, stakes, and garlic and head off toward Spring Lake, Seven Hills, or wherever these annoying beasts are present.

He prefers a double-barrel, as he insists that to completely kill the vampire, you have to blow his head clean off. A glancing blow, and he will simply keep coming.

We recently caught up with Monte and asked him a few questions about this ongoing problem, and how he deals with the pressure of being Greene County's lone vampire hunter. Some excerpts from our conversation follow:

JIN - "So how do you identify a vampire ... before you kill them and send their souls to hell?"
Larson - Well, first of all, it's not like they carry around vampire I.D. cards. If you wait until you can identify them as vampires, well, it's too late."

JIN - "Are you saying you've killed people without knowing for sure that they were vampires?!?"
Larson - "Hey, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

JIN - "Unbelievable."
Larson - "Yeah' it's awesome."

Rick Bland, contributor since 2007

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