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  Santa's Reindeer Experience Trouble Near Jefferson

Jefferson Iowa News has learned that once again, Santa's reindeer have incurred severe problems in the Jefferson area. For at least three years running, the world-renowned reindeer team have experienced difficulties while attempting to deliver toys to Jefferson, Iowa tots. It is possible that these ongoing issues may create a situation where Santa will no longer be able to make his annual deliveries in this area.

While attempting a delivery at a local trailer park Wednesday night, the team was suddenly struck by a large explosion from within the dwelling. It appears that a meth lab blew up at precisely the time that the reindeer alit upon the rooftop, blinding Comet in his left eye. All subsequent deliveries are now going to be late.

Veterinarians familiar with these situations state that Comet will more than likely be limited to 10% vision in that eye for the remainder of his life. The rest of the team sustained minor injuries, and insisted on completing their trip. This was not the first time that meth labs have caused problems for Santa in the Jefferson area.

In addition to the ongoing meth lab problems, Santa and his team have encountered numerous difficulties dodging all of the various television antennae still in place in the Greene County area. Apparently his deliveries are quite a bit easier when satellite dishes are in place, or cable is used.

Just two years ago, half of Santa's team was briefly entangled in an unreasonably large TV antenna protruding from a Jefferson residence. Three hooves were amputated as a direct result. It is no wonder that the reindeer are completely spooked whenever they approach the Greene County area.

As if these incidences weren't bad enough, last year there was the unfortunate episode of Vixen being sexually assaulted by Bigfoot just south of town. No charges were filed at that time, however, as the only witnesses were reindeer, and Bigfoot appeared completely nonplussed, stating later that he "was not proud of the incident, but not ashamed either."

So far, it seems that the rest of Santa's trip was a success again this year. He claims that he has no plans of dropping the Jefferson area from his route, but wishes the community would make a greater effort to alleviate problems of this nature.

 Rick Bland, 12-24-2008