The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Sewer Monsters Not An Issue For Water Dept.

The year ends in a 9, so we all know what that means ... sewer monsters will be back. It's a nine-year cycle - they wake up and start looking for food. Unfortunately, the mainstay of a sewer monster's diet is ... people. The bar graph at left indicates the frequency of occurrence of sewer monsters in the Jefferson area. Every ninth year is represented by a blue bar.

Sometimes, the cycle shows relatively scarce or limited activity. At other times, well, we'd just as soon not bring it up. This year looks bad.

Jefferson Water and Sewer Department representative Josh Bell stated, "I know it's going to be really bad this year. Those egg sacks have been piled up in the sewer pipes between Lincolnway and State Street. And it's a much larger pile than in past decades. These piles caused some basements to be flooded back in 2006, as I recall." When pressed as to why his department simply doesn't destroy the egg sacks, given the fact that they have up to eight years to do so, Mr. Bell replied, "Why didn't we destroy them back when we found them? That's not the sewage department's job. That's a city maintenance problem."

These creatures actually pose no problem to the sewer system or city infrastructure. There is no reason to be alarmed in that regard. They merely emerge from their egg sacks in the sewer pipes and devour unsuspecting humans, especially small children and under-sized adults (left).

Bell: "Those dang things (egg sacks) are stickier than hell. I'd had to throw my shovel away if I had used it on those things. Maybe maintenance has all the money they want to throw at new shovels, but we don't. No sirree, we don't. I've got work to do now."

Local residents should not be alarmed. It is doubtful that city water services would be interrupted by these creatures. They simply prey on people for food, and when mating seem to be attracted to other creatures of their kind, along with any local residents who are either overly curious or slow-moving.

Spencer Straight, 09-17-09