The Jefferson Iowa News®


  British Football Meeting Inspired By Local Resident

By Tar Tarkus –

A select group of interested Jefferson citizens invited me to join in their meeting at Wet Goods last Saturday night. This group was headed up by James Silbaugh, who recently spent two weeks in England, touring the countryside, hoping to bring back cultural ideas which could be adapted to Jefferson. On hand also was Bob Fitzgerald, Laura Wilburn, Jeff Hammerand, and Ken Schreck. The meeting took place at Wet Goods at 7:00 PM.

James opened the meeting with a titillating slide show featuring the various points of interest he observed while in England. Apparently he was able to get to know the locals and mingle with them quite closely. Eventually, his main point of discussion was reached.

James S. - "I would at this time like to make the proposal that we abolish Linduska Field and install a professional-grade soccer pitch, as you may find in England. By combining Jefferson, Scranton, Paton, Churdan, Dana, Rippey, and Grand Junction, I think we could sustain a large football club and have a really nice football pitch. It would be referred to as JSPCDRGJFA."
Ken S. - "I think we should order beer."
James S. - " A pint of ale all around. Have you gone barmy?  Please."
Laura - "What are you talking about? Tell me your plans for Linduska Field."
James S. - "Are you bladdered, mate? The pitch is Jefferson soccer!"

We regrouped and the conversation continued.
Jeff - "Are you seriously thinking about destroying Linduska Field?"
James S. - " Bleeding right, old man. I know that every bloomin' gent can agree that we can bloody well win the championship every year if we start it on our own."
Ken S. - "Most British people are clearly faggots."
James S. - I can't believe we still allow you in on these meetings. And Bob's your uncle!"

Bob - "Bob is NOT my uncle!"
Ken S. - "Yeah, Bob was your uncle, remember when he was excommunicated?"
James S. - "Let's get back to the subject - budge up!"

Laura - "Why are we here anyway?"
James S. - "What are you, daft? Just get rid of the old American football field. Then install the new pitch. Becks will be asked over. How can you say no?"
Ken S. - "I'm feeling sort of fruity, Laura!"
James S. - "I'm feeling rather jammy; let's just table this discussion. I'm to the khazi."

Tars Tarkus