The Jefferson Iowa News®


  Local Superdelegate Pledges to Hillary has learned that Jefferson's only local superdelegate to the Democratic national convention has thrown his support behind Hillary Clinton.

In a rare public statement, Bigfoot emerged from his self-imposed exile last week to announce that, as Jefferson's only "superdelegate", he will be attending this summer's convention and voting for Ms. Clinton. It has been widely rumored that he would support Hillary, based in large part on the fact that she is a female.

Bigfoot has a long and illustrious history of supporting Democratic candidates, backing Carter in '80, Mondale in '84, Dukakis in '88, Gore in '00, and Kerry in '04. In '92 and '96, he supported Ross Perot, thinking mistakenly that he was an alien.

Bigfoot is not concerned that Hillary's candidacy is commonly viewed as somewhat of a long shot at this point. He feels that she is likely to emerge victorious from a brokered convention, and claims that he can persuade many of his fellow superdelegates to see things his way. He also seems quite impressed with Ms. Clinton's unibrow.

Bigfoot and the Clintons share a relationship that dates back to the days when they resided in Arkansas. There were many times when Bigfoot was asked by Clinton to procure dates for the governor when Hillary was out of town or unavailable. Both Bill and Hillary still feel indebted to Bigfoot for this. When Bigfoot was denied a partnership in the Rose law firm (due to discrimination), Bigfoot refused to press the matter in court, and was rewarded with a plum assignment with the Arkansas State Patrol.

Bigfoot requests that all local Clinton supporters congregate downtown at Wet Goods, where he is still allowed to drink, and states that Dave Redfern will buy a free round if you use his name.

Rick Bland, contributor