SEPTEMBER TOP TEN LIST
RED FLAGS OBSERVED WITHIN JSPC SCHOOL DISTRICT
10. Your yearbook photo caption reads "unidentified sophomore"
9. Pot in your locker was planted by jealous parents
8. Entire student body tied for last place in spelling bee
7. Cafeteria has lots of beef after "runaway bull" was shot
6. Students think E=MC2 is Hammer's old name
5. Principal's best friend is Professor Jim Beam
4. Staff still wasting their time on that female gym teacher
3. Science teacher insists the Earth revolves around Wilford Brimley
2. Shop teacher demonstrates static electricity by unzipping pants
1. Instead of cap and gown, students are issued McDonald's hairnets