The Jefferson Iowa News®



How can anybody sit through these Big Ten football (or basketball) games without falling asleep? Some of the worst in collegiate athletics assemble every Saturday at Big Ten stadiums! Right now, four teams in the Big Ten are starting quarterbacks who acknowledge their inability to throw a spiral accurately for more than 15 yards! This in and of itself would not incur a tirade my myself, except that football fans across the Midwest and sports radio in particular are unable to understand this!!

Every fall, Big Ten teams gear up for a preselected slate of non-conference games insuring that they will not lose! They feature teams like South Dakota State, Tennessee Tech, and Louisiana-Monroe. Schools in the Big Ten used to schedule Mid-American Conference teams, but inexplicably started losing to them on a regular basis! Now they often refuse to even schedule the likes of Toledo or Akron! After tuning up against these foes, a Big Ten team will always enter conference play with a 4-1 or (usually) 5-0 record. On the off-chance that they have scheduled a non-conference foe from a major conference early in the year they ALWAYS lose - look it up!

After a couple conference games, five or six teams will be sporting awesome-looking 6-1 or even 6-0 records! Then - you guessed it - they start finding themselves ranked in the top 25, for cripes' sake!! These are all teams that would finish in the bottom half of almost ANY major conference! The pundits manage to get fooled EVERY YEAR!! These teams start losing to each other eventually by ridiculous scores like 10-7, and they all end up 6-6, or 7-5. Guess what - you guessed it - they are all bowl eligible!!

These seven or so teams then take their glossy credentials to bowl games where they are put on display for all the nation to see. Last New Year's Day I sat and watched five Big Ten teams play. THEY ALL LOST (as usual)!!! Finally a sixth team bailed them out by winning a bowl game a couple days later - only to have to forfeit later because they were playing ineligible players! Everybody would LOVE to play in the Big Ten, trust me! You get to play four easy wins to start the season and then face schools like Indiana, Minnesota, Northwestern, and Purdue! Six wins and you're going bowling!

And by the way, does the Big Ten have a rule stating that referees must be 70 years old?? These guys can tell you all about leather helmets and two-way players! I'm not so sure they could tell you much about pass interference, unfortunately. We have to stop rewarding these schools when they refuse to play teams who have a reasonable chance of beating them! And for all you gamblers out there, if you see a Big Ten team ranked, simply put some cash on whatever team they are playing and laugh all the way to the bank!

Link - I know morons like you want to know where you belong in the Big Ten, so click here and find out!

here to visit the entire Bass Archives

Orville K. Bass, American

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