The Jefferson Iowa News®



I'm madder than Curly Neal at a Jamaican dreadlock convention! For over 30 years now I've been waiting for my beloved Washington Generals to snap out of their current 7,968-game slump! You Cub fans think you have it rough. At least you win once in a while! My team last won in 1971!! And don't think I haven't lost a lot of hard-earned dough betting on the Generals! I keep thinking that they are overdue!

That's right - they have lost in 97 countries! They lost on a battleship. They lost in Attica. They lost at Lenin Square. They lost in the DMZ during the Vietnam War. They even lost at a leper colony, for cripes' sake! Their all-time winning percentage is .0000769!!

Yours truly, Orville Bass, is offering his services for the good of the team. That's right, I think I can step in and help them. I bring my credentials as an all-district member of my seventh grade non-traveling B squad. That would appear to be an improvement over the players we have now! I mean, really, how hard can it be to beat these guys? You play the same team every game, for crying out loud! If invited, I will be able to help them defend against that ball-on-a-string trick that has us so baffled! And I wouldn't just sit there while my teammates search hopelessly for the ball-under-the-shirt gag!!

I'm putting money on them again tonight! Their opponent will be the Harlem Globetrotters! This could be the night that their streak is snapped, and if so I will have the last laugh! Test your Harlem Globetrotter knowledge by taking the quiz below.

Link - How much do you know about the Harlem Globetrotters?

here to visit the entire Bass Archives

Orville K. Bass, American

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