The Jefferson Iowa News®



I get madder than Brigham Young in a monastery when I see two otherwise sane young people exchanging vows binding them for all eternity! Exactly what do they expect to gain by this? Marriage is a legal, binding contract protecting women and screwing the men! It has nothing to do with love or romance. You can do all of that ridiculous stuff without getting married. You can even have and raise kids without being hitched. What exactly does marriage enable you to do?

I'll answer that! It makes sure that if you guys ever change your mind and want to split up, you'll be giving her half of all your stuff! At least! You have no control over it - maybe she breaks up with you! Good-bye motor home! Cash in your stock portfolio, because it's hers! Marriage is an archaic device. It has its roots in harmful, outdated notions of ownership and gender roles. It is an arrangement whereby a woman is assured that you will take care of her for the rest of her life! No matter what!

Besides, most of them don't last that long, anyway! How many of your friends have been divorced? Virtually every one of mine has, at least once. You don't need to get married to achieve a success rate like that! Yes, yours truly is divorced. But never again! Instead, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her my house! People get married for all the wrong reasons, especially the men. The women know what they want. Money. When you see what some girls marry, you realize how much they must hate to work for a living! I never knew what happiness was until I got married - by then it was too late!

So you think you know better than Orville K. Bass, American? Think you're an expert? Take the quiz below and find out what a moron you really are when it comes to this subject!
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Orville K. Bass, American

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