The Jefferson Iowa News®



I'm madder than Saint Paul at the Roman Coliseum when I hear about religious fanatics continually making the news with their hair-brained one-dimensional intolerant opinions! Every day I get bombarded with these morons telling me that gay marriage will destroy the structure of western civilization as we know it or that abortion is solely responsible for the decay of urban society!

Are you serious?! I am currently being told via e-mail that the only people going to heaven are those practicing (paying money to) the one true religion. Problem: this is coming from several religions! Apparently, God is up there somewhere, like Santa Claus, watching your every move, and when you transgress, he will punish you, possibly eternally.

We are told to pray to him for our needs, among other things. If everyone on earth asked him for something once per day, do you know how many requests that would be? Quite a few, I'll bet! And a lot of these requests are on Sundays - his day off! I'll just bet he loves that!

Here's an idea - if you want something, ask your mom or brother-in-law! Maybe even ask Guido if it's really expensive! He gets pretty good results with a baseball bat. Better and quicker than you'll get from God!

When Jesus wanted fast results, he didn't ask God - he asked Judas! That prayer was swiftly answered! Everybody knows that all church is anyway is a place to donate money and see what everybody else is wearing. Try going to church sometime dressed completely unlike everybody else! I tried it last weekend and that explains why I am currently writing this editorial from jail! Oh well, it beats purgatory, I guess!

Try asking your minister/priest/rabbi how Moses was able to take 3.7 million species on the ark! Not bad for a man of nearly 900 years old. Cripes, these people will believe anything!

Is it really that important to you whether or not Bruce and Giovanni get hooked up in L.A.? Or just maybe you have grown so completely intolerant of other people's views that you no longer want anybody else on the planet who doesn't conform to your own personal, sanctimonious, self-righteous, narrow-minded, condescending viewpoint?

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Orville K. Bass, American

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