The Jefferson Iowa News®



I get madder than Dick Butkus at Lambeau Field when I see all of the baseball diamonds that are being switched over to soccer fields! What in Sam Hell is going on in America? Why do people think it's so cool to be European, anyway? Soccer (not football, by the way - they stole that name from us!!) is the lamest sport I've ever seen! Don't let those misinformed morons sway your ideals and standards when it comes to sports! Those soccer guys don't even know how to run a sports clock!! It goes up in time! How stupid is that?? They keep it running through all the down time, then keep playing after the game is over while the clock is standing still to make up for it. That way, nobody knows when the game will end!

They say that soccer is the world's most popular sport. Well, that's because A) It is the easiest to play, and B) It's the cheapest - all you need is a ball. Duh! All those poverty-stricken millions of people can afford soccer. And yes, it is easier than any other sport. No American soccer player would be able to play any other professional sport. And anyone can play it! Ever notice that all those great soccer players weigh in at about 160 pounds? It's a great sport for all those sissy daisy boys who don't want to get hurt!

And don't tell me it's harder than it looks! I guarantee I'd have more success playing World Cup soccer than I would ever have trying to hit a 92 mph Randy Johnson slider at my knees! Soccer is easier to play than any other sport! And please don't try and tell me that more people attend soccer games than the Super Bowl! How many people watch the Super Bowl? Everyone watches it! How many people watch the World Cup? Nobody. Case closed. 

Take the quiz below, and prove to yourself that even people who say they're fans have absolutely no idea how to play soccer!

Link - Like everyone else, I don't even know the rules of the game!!

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Orville K. Bass, American

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