JANUARY TOP TEN LIST
This Year's Top Jeffersonian New Year's Resolutions
10. Determine how wife had 1st baby of the year
9. Limit yourself to 4 hours per day of internet sex
8. Start buying lottery tickets at luckier store
7. Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of tooth brush
6. Quit eating medicine because it looks like candy
5. See if individually-wrapped cheese tastes better w/o plastic
4. Scale back on grueling, 12-hour work week
3. Replace CB with dial-up internet
2. Who needs resolutions? Everything's fine!
1. Plant a tree