DECEMBER TOP TEN LIST
Top Ten Signs Santa Hates You
10. Every kid gets a candy cane; you get rusty barbed wire
9. Your kid asks for a new bike - and gets a pack of smokes
8. You're being stalked by an elf hitman
7. He brings you a new car - right through the living room wall
6. Along with presents, he leaves a hefty bill for shipping and handling
5. Only item he leaves: a note reading "your wife was great"
4. "Gift" he just gave you - 2 weeks on a Disney Cruise with Barney Frank
3. All your Christmas cards are addressed to "Resident"
2. On Christmas Day, you wake up with a reindeer head in your bed
1. Your stocking is ticking
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